No doubt you’ve been in a frenzy of anticipation these last few days, pacing up and down wondering when the hell I’m going to post my recap of The Voice UK Semi-finals. Well, I’m really sorry John, but there’s not going to be a recap this week, or for the final either. You see, despite Jessie J telling us that it is un-cool not to watch the show LIVE! on a Saturday night, I actually missed it because I was out! I was watching my brother-in-law play King Arthur in Camelot – see, I’m not only cool, I’m Showbiz too…
Welcome to The Voice UK live episode 4:
This week on The Voice:
- Blatant, Unabashed,Tabloid-Provoking Tweeting from William
- Loads of tedious bickering among the coaches
- Reggie noticing that Cassius’s head is exactly level with the untrammelled Willoughboobies
- Jessie J only being honest and we know that because she tells us she’s only being honest Continue reading
Welcome to The Voice UK live episode 3:
- The return of the Willoughboobies,
- Our international superstars performing with their teams
- WAKEFIELD City Centre looking very empty
- Magical pianos that play on their own
- Crazy golf
- Jamie Oliver
- Absolutely no mention of Danny’s non-friend Paloma Faith
- Non-famous friends of Tyler
- Danny making some valid critical judgements
- Princess Leia
- Tom Jones demonstrating that he needs some reality TV training by promising that his team are giving 100%
- The greatest love story ever told
- A baby being male
- Thom York’s nightmare of an alternative reality
- William ostentatiously waving his phone around
- Some park benches borrowed from the Strictly Come Dancing props team
- Jessie J wearing a nice dress
Wow, they’re really pulling out all the stops in the face of criticism that this is Fame Academy Part Deux, aren’t they?
Anyway, I quite liked Fame Academy…
Welcome to The Voice UK live episode 2:
LIVE! (The show, not this blog)
There are pyjamas, umbrellas, a Cheryl Cole song (only one, don’t worry), Tom Jones talking about Elvis, people laughing at Tom Jones talking about Elvis, Holly Willoughby’s cleavage is back (to keep the dads watching), Her Majesty The Queen, no rude tweets being shown in the V-Room, lots of people “making the song their own”, Jessie’s continued hate campaign against dancers, someone being better than Michael Buble, a mash-up, tears, more tears, the World’s Most Out-of-Control Teenager, Coldplay (without Coldplay), lots of curly hair, Matt Cardle, no-one wearing a hat (but there is a hoodie), hill-running and the coaches don’t open the show with a group song – what’s not to love?
Last week on The Voice:
Ruth was brilliant and reduced this writer to William-levels of incoherence, Tom couldn’t be bothered to pretend he’d had a hard time deciding to get rid of Sam, poor Sam had a breakdown on stage with only Supermummy Holly to protect him, William did a better job of pretending he was considering keeping Sophie, but he failed to hide his surprise when Frances (from WAKEFIELD) was announced safe first and Danny & Jessie just sat back and watched the show.
Now it’s their turn to face the unbearable pain of dismissing one of their talented team/get the opportunity to lose the one that they’ve identified as a loser. What’s going to happen? Which coach is going to feel the most pain? Will they pretend the Results show was filmed on a separate day?
We’re roughly halfway through “the process”, will we get a full house playing Apprentice 2012 Bingo?
I’ve spotted a few, are there any that I’ve missed? Have you got any predictions about which candidates will help us sign off the other items? Let me know!
So, Upstairs, Downstairs has been axed. Yes, if you’re starting to get costume drama withdrawals, I’ve got the fix and it’s an improvement on what you’re used to. The original Upstairs Downstairs is the heroin to Downton Abbey’s methadone, making 21st Century Upstairs, Downstairs some sort of tranquilising suppository, if we’re going to follow that analogy.
Our most popular talent and reality TV shows either suffer from fatal flaws, or need a refresh to keep going.
The Voice promises to be different to the X-Factor, but we’ve already had wall-to-wall Adele covers. Are we in for theme weeks where judges pick from a depressingly shallow pool of songs? Tsk at Cheryl Cole picking ‘Imagine’ for an X-Factor Beatles theme week.
Shelina was a magnificent Masterchef winner, but the latest celebrity version drifted around unloved in the daytime schedules, what’s next for the show?
Meanwhile, the latest series of The Apprentice looks tired and struggles under the weight of its tinkered-with format (they’re not looking for an apprentice at all…), so I think it’s time to go, or have a revamp.
So, TV producers, here are some free ideas for you to steal. Continue reading
The mighty, mighty Monkseal, who has kept me entertained for years with his reality TV recaps, is celebrating his fifth birthday (as a blogger I mean, he isn’t five years old) with a countdown of the best reality TV stars ever.
I don’t have his encyclopaediacal (apparently not a word, but I’m keeping it in anyway) knowledge, so I don’t think it’s a threat if I copy him with a mini list of my own. NB – by reality TV I don’t mean all that Geordie Shore stuff…